August 30, 2008

Matt, the Cockroach Hunter

This is a great story - hang on for the ride.

We have a wonderful house helper, Eliana, who comes twice a week to do the heavy cleaning and cook a meal. Since I have gone back to work and am pregnant her help is invaluable. However, she is originally from the interior of Brazil and people who grow up in the interior believe some really weird things. She wanted to take the couch apart and use the dust buster to clean out the crumbs and dirt - you know great things that get trapped in there, because she is completely paranoid about bacteria of all kind. So, Matt removed the back of the couch which comes off for easy cleaning (so we thought.)

When Matt pulled the back of the couch off five nasty cockroaches came scurrying out. Four of them were relatively small, but there was one nasty, big, nuclear powered, mama roach. As soon as the roaches came out of the couch both Eliana and I jumped about a mile up onto any solid surface and started screaming. Now, if you know Matt well you know that he could show up any boy scout at any time - the man is prepared for every disaster, and most of his tools are shoved deep into his pants pockets. So Matt comes running to the rescue with this crazy Crocodile Dundee knife that he has. He ran the back section of the couch out onto the porch and started impaling cockroaches with this knife he carries around. Every time he killed one he brought the writhing thing back into the front room on the end of his knife and said, "Is that the big one you saw?" Meanwhile, Eliana and I are about to climb the walls to get away from any future roach invasion. Matt was on the back porch beating the fire out of the back of the couch and killing roaches left and right when the big mama roach ran out of the couch, across his MOUTH, and scurried over his face. Matt successfully impaled this one and brought his catch in as if he had caught the big mouth bass or something.

Later, when Eliana and I were cleaning out the couch - turning it inside out and upside down - we found roach eggs inside in about three places. AGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! When I think about people who have roaches in their furniture I think about those unfortunate folks who go on Jerry Springer by day and get arrested on COPS at night, not me, not ever me. However, when you live in the Amazon it never gets cold enough to kill any insect life off so they just grow and grow and show up everywhere. Matt and I went to the grocery store later that day and bought a ton of roach killing stuff and coated the couch, floor, rug, door frame - you name it.

After the shock of our ordeal was over Matt said, "Aren't you proud of me for catching all the vermin in our house?" Of course I was, of course - and when I kissed him in affirmation he said, "That's where the roach ran across my face." He's such a boy.

So there you go - a story for all time - notice that we did not include a picture of this lovely episode. We were a little too shell shocked to think to pull out the camera, and really - imagination will give you the best idea of what it was like. :-)