Psalm 139… what an elegant description of the intimate knowledge of the Almighty as it concerns His creation. To think, the Lord has an intimate knowledge of me… such a wonderful and scary thought. It is so frightening to know that our life, our thoughts, all that we are is laid bare before Him. I know, like no one else, the filth that the He who is perfect must see in me and I am ashamed. On the other hand, I take great comfort in knowing that I cannot hide who or what I am from my Lord and Savior. Recently, this Psalm spoke volumes to me as it pertains to the future.
As many of you know, I (Matthew) am a planner and organizer. It is a fact that I would love to have my future planned out to the day. Unfortunately, our family can currently only see a few steps in front of us. We currently know that our family will return to Brazil for another term with our organization and that I will be working on my Doctorate during this time. What exactly this next term will look like we do not know. How we will pay for school is still unknown as well. The organizational side of my personality detests this reality. It seems to me that life would be so much easier if God would just e-mail me a schedule. Nevertheless, I must live without such a plan and the spiritual-side of my personality loves this fact. For you see, this side of my character has complete trust in my Lord and God. It desires to lie at the feet of the Savior and find peace and rest in His presence.
As I have this internal struggle between the need to trust and the need to know, I am again and again brought to Psalm 139 and especially verse 16. Here, this Davidic writing says, “… all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” For one who wants to but cannot know the future these words bring great comfort… so, it into you hand my most precious Savior I leave my next term, my family, and my life.